Today, I came home from work and began giving the house a once-over (that i will finish on Friday morning) and I got 94% of my stuff packed for my cross-country flight Friday afternoon. All I have left is the basic stuff like face-wash, Stridex Pads, hair straightener, make up, belt... etc. Ya know...the stuff I'm going to use between now and then.
(Sidebar: As I'm typing this, my cat decided he is going to try to get into the big bag of fresh litter I bought two nights ago.... I am finding myself yelling "knock it off" and "get out of it" more and more these days. I feel bad for my friend who is taking him over the time I am gone! haha).
So the big question is: "Why can't I seem to relax?"
Well, there are probably numerous answers to this vague question. Work is getting extremely busy and on top of the normal work load, I am being put on special assignment after special assignment. I don't mind them, I just wish I could get my own work completed as well. I am currently creating a MS Word Document that contains all the information for all the medical colleges I am applying to. Its a lot of information to comprehend.
Then there is always the more personal matters.... I'm going home. Or, at least that is what most would call it. I prefer to say "I'm going to Mom's" because home is 6 hours to the west of me, just off of Route 8. Even Arizona isn't really home anymore. I've had so many bad memories here...so many tears. I feel that this was a transition place for me. However, I feel that the transition is slowly coming to an end. However, will I get accepted into the medical school that will allow me to actually go home?
You may be wondering "where is home, exactly?" Home is, like I said, 6 hours to the west of my current location. It is surrounded by beaches, beautiful sunsets, sweet air, and a lightness in the energy. Home is San Diego, CA. I do not know anyone there. I've only been there three times, yet each time I've graced San Diego's limits, my heart settles down in the nearest nook of the city. I am especially in love with Poway/Rancho Bernardo/Carmel Mountain area - yet I also adore Mission Beach. It’s pretty crowded, but out of the beaches I've been to, it’s my favorite. I didn't care too much for Oceanside. The pier was nice, the surf was amazing and the coffee...addicting. However, I wasn't too impressed with the beach itself. Oceanside did give me the chance to experience a whole different type of coffee though - which, I do admit, I am addicted to. There's this lil coffee house called Maui Wowi on the boardwalk. I went it and ordered a Mocha Almond Frappuchino. Well, I didn't know this, but it is Hawaiian coffee with a banana base. O.M.G. I was addicted. I drank mine and my girlfriend's. LOL. Well I found a Maui Wowi here in Phoenix, so a friend of mine went up and grabbed a drink - nope. it was not the same. It actually kinda sucked. So, I know when I go back to San Diego, I am taking the 20 minutes out of my way and going to Oceanside...just so I can get my authentic Mocha Almond Frappuchino - even if it is freezing outside.
San Diego just seems like home to me. It's where I feel I belong. But anyways, on Friday I begin the journey to go back to the area that I grew up in/around. My first stop is Pittsburgh, PA - which is the closet major city to my small hometown. Then, I make the 30 minute journey out of the city to the conservative, relatively tiny West Virginia town of Weirton. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad i get to see my mom, my stepdad, my sister....hell my girlfriend and my daughter - both whom I haven't laid eyes on in 7 weeks... but, I just don't like being up there. Every time I go back, I am reminded of the pain and the chains that I was once in. I look at my friends and see that they are ALL doing the same thing- married young, having babies, living in a purchased house. They all have that "small town, girl next door" lifestyle. I don't have that. I never wanted that. Yet, I always get scrutinized for my choices. At any given day being back home, I get at least 2-3 friends asking me (more like begging me) to move back home. WHY???
Ok, So funny thing… I fell asleep – while typing the text above.. HAHA. So much for a sleep aid. “No Dr. I don’t need Lunesta, I blog to make me conk out!”
Today is one day closer to going to Pittburgh, PA. Again…not home. Not really. I am just not that small town girl that I grew up to be. I believed I could be anything – and I became anything. I became what I wanted to become. O well, I think I’m done on that rant.
I have seriously thought about trading my ticket for one going to San Diego. I know that would be horrid… but can’t you imagine? It’s Christmas and you are sitting by a fire pit on the beach bundled in your favorite hoodie as you watch the tide reach out to you and then recede? I could so picture that…..
Don’t get me wrong guys…family…is very important. However, it is more important to some than it is to others. If family is your “thing” – then good for you! It’s just not my favorite thing in the world. I used to do so much because of my family. I used to change because of them or…worse…for them. You have to remember, while it is important to appreciate your family, it is also important to be true to yourself. Point blank – the members of your family will die. I don’t mean to be harsh or unattached from that scenario, but it’s the truth. They will die…before you or after you. However, you are only stuck with one person for the rest of your life. You are stuck with you.
Ponder on that for a while….
No comments:
Post a Comment