A first post is almost more nerve racking than a blind date. You're not sure if the readers will be interested, not sure if they will even like what you have to say and you're never sure exactly how to start. You want to tell a bit about yourself...you know...introduce yourself, but yet you don't want to divulge all the mystery behind the layers of the years that have covered you. Each day we are inspired by so many objects, people, places, words, conformity...non conformity and just the individual details that life throws at us on a daily basis. Lately I have been incredibly inspired by the beautiful and talented Amber Benson. I have always been a fan of her work and yes I can tell the difference between reality and fiction, unlike most people who box her into her character, Tara, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She does not know it, but I have followed her work for years and she has always inspired me to just...be me.
I know that I am only one voice. I am not famous, I am still working through college and I have barely any foothold in this vast world that I live in. However, I have much to say. There are many passions that ignite my being and this is a safe place where I am able to share those thoughts and opinions and possibly help those who cannot help themselves or who do not know how to help themselves. As we grow older we face so many different questions and different situations all piling down and condensing together to form one major idea that we must embrace..."Who am I?"
I have spent years which seem like lifetimes trying to answer this question. I always saw myself as some major contradiction, however, recently I have been told that I am not a contradiction. Instead, I am eclectic. I like that terminology....eclectic. I can be many things at one time even though in some people's narrow minds those things cannot coexist, however, I am living proof that they most certainly can and do exist in a single living soul. I can be many things wrapped up into one, even if they do raise an eyebrow or two.
My life is a mix of colors...a mix of roles that I play. I have repressed parts of myself up until now because I felt that I had to chose one belief or the other in order to be an actual person instead of a contradiction. However, I have learned most recently that not being 100% honest with myself is the same as lying to myself and after almost 26 years of only being a half-me, I'm tired of lying.
I am a mother. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a lover. I am a fighter. I am a writer. I am an analyst. I am a student. I am a teacher. I am pre-med. I am a Christian. I am a Wiccan. I am a lesbian. I am activist. I am an advocate. I am a helper. I am a haven. I am shelter. I am life. I am power. I am knowledge. I am wisdom. I am from my past. I am from my present. I am from my future. Most importantly, I am myself. For now, forever, and for always. No going back. No regrets. No lying. No deceiving. Just me. Plain. Simple. Magnificent. Extraordinary. I have something to give. I have something to say. I have a way to change the life that we know. I will change the life that we know. In my own time.
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